


The Tower

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-02 21:49:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5264912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I know I said I'd finished, but my honourary editor pointed out that I'd left a lot unsaid, so I've extended it.</p></blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Merlin is stuck, and it's all his own fault. Stuck up in the abandoned tower with no food or water. Stuck as a eight year old. Stuck hiding, because if anyone finds him he's dead. But if he stays up here he's dead. And he can't get back down, because the stairs that climb the tower have crumbled, and his ascent had caused more damage. So now a gap that a eight year old could just about jump is twice as big as it was. And Merlin's certain, as he's looked down on it, that he can't jump it. Even if he doesn't miss the stairs opposite, and come crashing down to the cold stone floor below, it's still landing on the hard stone steps, so he's almost certain to fall head first down the rest to the bottom.

Merlin gets up from where he's been sitting on the second to last step and climbs back up to the room at the top of the tower. The walls are missing on a couple of sides, and the wind and chill of the rain outside blows in through them. There isn't much up here. An old bow, string long snapped, lies against a wall, a couple of old arrows beside it. There's a broken chair with three legs and no seat and a musty blanket which Merlin knows he'll probably have to huddle under. But it's old and damp and crawling with creatures. He shivers at the prospect. 

Crying, he walks over to one of the gaps in the wall. He looks down, below he can just about make out the courtyard. This tower was part of the older castle, so it's no longer needed defensively, surrounded further out by newer, taller towers. Merlin's moaned to Arthur about repairing it, or pulling it down, but it's costly, and the outer walls maintain their strength. Damage up here is from battles long forgotten and from neglect.

Down in the courtyard Merlin can see Arthur storming out through the main doors, his red cloak billowing behind him. His face even from here seems stern.

"Arthur!" cries Merlin, but it's only quiet, he doesn't really want to be heard. He thinks he sees Arthur pause a moment, but then he carries on walking. He calls guards over and yells at them, pointing in various directions. They're searching for him. Merlin's face screws up as he cries, leaning against the damaged wall, and remembers why he's in this position.


	2. Chapter 2

It had all started three months ago. Three months that seem like a lifetime. Arthur had been Arthur, charging off to rid a village of a group of Saxon raiders who had been terrorising them. Merlin had been Merlin, off following him to keep him out of trouble. Nothing to suggest that anything will change. There'd been a battle, well more of a skirmish. Merlin & Arthur had split from the main group of knights, and Merlin had just turned to see Arthur fighting a Saxon. Arthur was facing the Saxon, Merlin was to their right out of sight, and Arthur had just cut the Saxon's throat when another had appeared behind Arthur, the other side from Merlin. Merlin had just raised a hand and uttered a spell when

"Arthur!" Gwaine had come running into the clearing sword raised. Arthur had turned to see Merlin's hand raised, his eyes still glowing gold and Merlin would swear he'd seen Arthur's heart turn to stone. His face turns to steel, his grip on his sword tightening. The sudden sound of a Saxon thumping against a tree, screaming, then falling limp startles him into turning around. When he turns back on Merlin he can see the thought register, Merlin has saved his life. Or at least defended him. But then Arthur is stalking forwards again and holding a sword to Merlin's neck. Merlin doesn't make a sound. He's scared, but it's strange, he's more upset. Arthur hates him and that overrides any fear. He's failed Arthur, he wasn't good enough. For a long moment all he can see is Arthur's eyes filled with hatred and feel the press of his blood covered blade on his neck. And then he's pulling it away, Merlin thinks ready to swing, leaving a red mark across Merlin's neck. Arthur studies him for what seems like forever, but then he's lowering it.

"You saved my life. For that I will spare yours, now get out of my sight!" he spits. His eyes are still wide and venomous.

"Arthur..." says Merlin stepping forward, but then the sword is raised again, sword point raised at him and Arthur has a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Run, Merlin! Before I change my mind!" His voice is loud, deafening, so Merlin turns, and Merlin runs, not looking back.

\---

After running for longer than he can remember through woods he’s hunted in with Arthur a hundred times, Merlin slows to a walk, but his thoughts are still running. He doesn't know what to do or where to go. He's ruined everything. He's lost all of his friends, and his family. No doubt word will spread to Ealdor so he'll never see his mother again. He's a fugitive, a dead man. He might as well be dead. It would be better if he was dead. At least then people would be sorry. Would Arthur be sorry? He tries not to cry out at the thought that Arthur was almost the person to kill him, then he turns and carries on running again.

A day goes by and he finds a village. He approaches cautiously, unsure of whether Arthur has sent knights out to hunt him, and sees a small group emerging from the road. They're heading out into what he realises is the village graveyard. A young woman is carrying a small child and leading another, weeping loudly. She is poor, her dresses a shabby faded brown; worn and patched. She will be poorer still now. The babe in arms is brown haired, the older, clinging to his mother, is darker, almost black haired. The service is short, a small crowd and a poor priest. Probably the entire village has come to witness the burial. Then one by one, silently, they all return to work. Merlin sits and watches until even the sad little family have turned and walked away. He watches, even after that, as night falls and the grass becomes wet underfoot.

But as he watches the grave and thinks, a plan occurs to Merlin. It might not work, and it's a terrible, ghastly thing to do to quite a few people. If they find out, that is. But he needs insurance. When it is full dark and the last sounds of life were hours ago, Merlin steals up to the grave. He uses his magic to churn the earth back up, then carefully lifts the rough coffin lid before jumping down into the grave. He uses magic to illuminate the man's face. He's painfully young, dark haired like Merlin, but his face is squarer. He looks serious, his brow wrinkled in worry, even in death. He's skinny like Merlin too, if nor more, but a little shorter and his hair is longer, almost to his shoulders. Merlin uses his magic to lift him out of the coffin, then replaces the lid and the dirt. Then he lifts the corpse onto his shoulders and heads off. 

After walking for about a mile he finds an abandoned wood cutter's cottage. He apologises to the corpse quickly for what he's about to do, and strips him of his meagre clothing. Then he strips himself, changing into the man's clothes. The trousers are far too short, the top just covers his stomach, but he doesn't have a choice. Then he dresses the corpse in his clothes and then uses his magic to place the corpse in a rotten chair. Then pulls his dagger out from where he'd placed it in his belt. He cuts the man's hair as well as he can to make it look like his own. The he places the dagger in the man's right hand, utters another apology and stabs it into the man's dead heart. Then he turns the body over as if it has fallen off of the rotten chair, falling face first into the damp muddy floor. The scene is ready, as long as the body isn't discovered for a little while. 

So now he's ready. He could start again, be someone completely new, Merlin . He could return to Camelot, befriend Arthur again, get close to him again. Protect him as he was meant to. He can alter his own appearance. But he can't age himself, Arthur's seen Dragoon and knows him as a sorcerer. And he's seen Merlin as an old woman, and knows her as a sorceress. He's not sure Arthur seeing him as a young woman would help, wouldn't be awkward, could lead to... No, it's not worth it. But there was another spell he'd always wanted to try. One which had always seemed too fun. He could de-age. Then he could grow up all over again, with Arthur as his friend.

He frowns. It would limit him, a lot. Arthur would never take a child into battle. And of course eventually he'd look like himself again. But if Arthur had seen him grow up, he might never question it. Merlin shakes his head. It's definitely not perfect. But right now it's the only plan he's got. So he starts for Camelot. When he's within sight of the city walls, he starts reciting the spell. He can remember it well; has to recite the same words for however many years he wants to lose. Stressed and upset he loses count after a while. He was aiming for ten or eleven, but when he finally stops and looks down, it's nearer eight. 

His clothes are huge, where before they were too tight. So he pulls off the trousers completely. The shirt is below his knees anyway, so he pulls the belt from the man's trousers and ties it around his waist in a knot. The jacket as well is too big, but he rolls the sleeves up and covers his face in mud, before heading into Camelot.


	3. Chapter 3

Stealing back into Camelot in the cover of darkness had been easy. Merlin has done it far too many times, and now he doesn’t look like himself, just another street urchin. He creaks the door open, to find Gaius sat in a chair by the fire, holding a book close up to his face. He looks up frowning a little, resting his book in his lap, and removing his spectacles. 

“Can I help you?” asks Gaius, eyebrow raised. Merlin, smiling closes the door and runs forwards, resting his muddy hands on Gaius' knee. 

“It’s me, Gaius! It’s Merlin!” He’s grinning from ear to ear. This is such a good idea, and it’s so good to see Gaius again. Gaius frowns at him for a moment, then, without a word, gets up to pick up a cloth and a bowl and starts wiping Merlin’s face. As he clears Merlin’s face his eyes widen.

"Merlin my boy, what are you doing here? Arthur will kill you!" he says, dropping the cloth in the bowl. 

“But he won’t recognise me! You didn’t!”says Merlin, confidently

“Yes, but it’s dark, my eyesight is bad, and you were covered in mud. Now I can see you properly the resemblance it’s uncanny. Arthur will notice, he nearly recognised you as an old man with grey hair, let alone as a miniature Merlin, and no he knows you are a sorcerer.” Merlin frowns, he hadn’t thought of that.

“But… but you can convince him! He’ll listen to you!” Gaius takes a deep breath. 

“I can try, but I can’t guarantee he’ll believe me. And you'll need a new name, and a reason to be here. "

"An orphan! Maybe my parents died in a big fire!” says Merlin, eyes lighting up. 

“Except that Arthur is the king, and would have heard of a fire in the town. We’ll say you’re a patient. Your parents parents both died of a fever, which you currently have, which you’ll survive. That way I can quarantine you without much fuss.”

“I can do that! I can pretend to be sick! We can use cold soup, and paint my face white and…” starts Merlin enthusiastically. 

"You're enjoying this too much. I think saying you're quarantined will suffice. What's your name?" Merlin stills

“I don’t know.” says Merlin. 

“Well you’ll need one, and quick, and you’ll need to answer to it, and right away.” Merlin begins to panic, looking at Gaius with wide, desperate eyes.

“Okay, okay, fine. Edmund. I’ve always liked Edmund. And you can be Emy for short.” says Gaius, rubbing his shoulder to reassure him. 

"Emy." repeats Merlin, smiling. "Yeah, I like Emy. 'ts like Merlin a bit." 

“Right, now get to bed. Use one of your old shirts as a night shirts. I’ll burn your clothes, although they’re muddy enough, I don’t think Arthur would recognise them. But I’ll say it’s because of the fever… Sleep well, Merlin.” says Gaius, kissing his head. Smiling, Merlin runs up to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

Word spreads quickly of Gaius' patient, especially after Gwen pops in to ask for something for a headache, and hears Merlin's protests at Gaius' more thorough cleaning of the mud. After that Gaius has the foresight to give Merlin a tincture which actually makes him ill, turning his face almost white and resulting in quite a few full bowls. Merlin thinks it's mean until his door is flung open and Arthur is standing there, all righteous fury.

"Can I help you, sire?" says Gaius, standing up with some effort from where he has been pressing a cold cloth to Merlin's head. Merlin coughs pathetically, then somewhat more emphatically, then sits up and turns to be sick into bowl that Gaius shoves in front of him just in time.

"I heard you received a new ward late last night." says Arthur watching Merlin suspiciously.

"I'd say 'ward' is a bit hasty. He's a patient, but he is an orphan, so I will be keeping him here until he's better and until he's found a new home.

"What's his name? Where does he come from?" demands Arthur, eyeing Merlin critically. But some of the edge has come off of his voice, although suspicions remain. 

"Emy, short for Edmund. That's all I've got so far. His parent's died of the same fever he has, sire, so please don't get too close." asks Gaius, placing a hand on Arthur's chest.

When Merlin finally looks up at Arthur, he finds himself paralysed in fear. He's never been afraid of Arthur, not like this. Even when Arthur held a blade to his throat, covered in blood. And now that Merlin remembers it, it seems far scarier than when it actually happened. And Arthur's so much bigger than Merlin now, and his anger so much more potent. Merlin lets out a cry and turns his head into the pillow so that he can't see Arthur.

"Sire, I think you intimidate him a little. He's just a poor boy, he's never seen anyone higher than a lord before today." Arthur seems to calm, placated.

"Have you heard anything from Merlin?" he says, turning to look Gaius in the eye.

"No, sire. Why, has he been seen in Camelot?" asks Gaius, brow raised questioningly.

"No. No-one's seen him." says Arthur, and he seems annoyed.

"You did banish him, Sire." says Gaius.

"Yes." says Arthur sharply, then storms back out of the room.

\---

Over the next few days Merlin recovers and 'recovers'. After two weeks he feels safe enough to venture out into the castle alone. He runs around for a while, merely exploring a world that is a lot bigger than he remembers it, and a lot more distracting. He can't seem to concentrate as well, he feels hypnotised. Everything is interesting, little things catch his eye, things he'd never noticed before. And before he knows it, he's running up and down stairs, ignoring the sound of Gaius calling him. He's chasing along the corridor near Arthur's chambers when he hears

"What the hell are you doing!" and 

Barely thinking, he dashed into a room opposite, peeking his head around nervously. Arthur is standing in the doorway to his room glaring at him. 

"I am trying to work!" shouts Arthur, then turns and slams his door. Merlin stands, leaning against the doorway, his heart pounding and he can feel the tears welling in his eyes. He's never liked getting shouted at by Arthur, but somehow as a child it cuts deeper. He wipes his nose on his sleeve, but the tears come anyway. The doorway down the corridor creaks open again, and Merlin darts to hide behind the door again, so that Arthur can't see he's still there. But then there are footsteps and Arthur is standing beside him. Merlin finds himself frozen to the spot. He's scared, so scared of Arthur. It's silly, he knows Arthur. Arthur would never hurt a child, but... but. Arthur is standing, arms folded, but he isn't shouting. 

"Your name's Edmund, isn't it." says Arthur, calmly

"Emmm. Emy." stutters Merlin, risking a glance at Arthur, but quickly looking away, lip quivering. For a moment there's silence. 

"Emy, I'm sorry I shouted at you, but this corridor is not for playing. I have work to do, so you need to go downstairs to the courtyard if you want to run around." says Arthur. Merlin nods nervously, not looking up enough to meet Arthur's eyes. 

"Go on then." says Arthur. He places a hand on Merlin's shoulder, squeezes it slightly, and then gently pushes Merlin to leave. Merlin does so, breaking into a run almost immediately. He doesn't stop until he's in the courtyard.


	5. Chapter 5

He keeps his head down for a couple of weeks, avoiding anywhere where Arthur might possibly be, so spending most of his time outside of the castle gates. But one day he runs back to Gaius', having spent the afternoon playing football with some children who live near the castle gates. He smashes through the door, sweaty and smiling.

"Gaius! Gaius! Rob's mum said I could stay for dinner..." Merlin grinds to a halt and trails of as his eyes light on Arthur, who is sat on the bench by Gaius.

"Ah, Emy, there you are! The king has just been asking about you." he says, smiling, but there's a strain in his voice. Merlin doesn't notice, is just staring a Arthur, wide-eyed. He wants to run, but Arthur doesn't look angry, or suspicious, although he's frowning a little. Besides, he's too scared to run, he's rooted to the spot. 

"Come on, Emy, there's no need to so shy!" says Gaius, clearly a little confused by Merlin's reaction. 

"This is probably my fault. I yelled at him, when I caught him running around in the castle." says Arthur calmly, placating Arthur. 

"Oh dear." says Gaius, eyebrow raised, but he calms a little. 

"Yes, I was a little... brash. I've been a little tense recently... what with..." Merlin catches it, a flutter of the eye lids, a drop in the smile, and in his mind he clings to that fact.

"...Well, you know. But never mind, there's no harm done and no use dwelling on it." says Arthur, and Merlin feels his heart sink before he realises Arthur might be talking about shouting at him and not the loss of him. Arthur's smiling now, trying to move the conversation on. 

"How are you finding living with Gaius?" asks Arthur, motioning him forward.

"'t's alright." says Merlin. Arthur laughs at that, and Gaius rolls his eyes.

"Just alright? Gaius has been very generous to let you stay!" says Arthur, leaning forwards.

"I am just an old man." says Gaius, but there's a twinkle in his eyes. 

"I am grateful!" protests Merlin, "It's just that I miss..." he trails off because he wants to say 'being an adult, being your friend, being myself' But Arthur nods slowly, 

"I'm sorry, about your parents. We will find something more permanent when we can. But I have to leave for now, important things to attend to I'm afraid. It was nice to see you, Emy. I'm glad you're settling in here, though." he says, smiling a little. Merlin smiles back, a bright smile, because Arthur likes him and is being nice. For a moment, Arthur stares at him, his eyes almost scared. But then blinks and shakes himself, ruffles Merlin's hair, then walks away. 

"This is a dangerous game you're playing." says Gaius when the doors closed. But Merlin just smiles.

"Can I go to Rob's then?"

\---

Arthur makes a habit of coming to visit every friday, to check on how Emy is. He's often there before Merlin arrives home, even when Merlin's purposely early, and Merlin wonders whether Arthur just likes to be there. It's been another week when he's sitting there chatting with Arthur, and Leon comes in, looking very sober. 

"Sire, apologies. May I speak to you in private?" 

"Yes, of course." says Arthur, frowning. They walk towards the door, and close it behind them. For a moment there are hushed words, but all that Merlin can hear is Arthur's 

"Are you sure?" 

When Arthur returns to the room, he's pale. He looks sick, looks like he's about to cry.

"I...I have to go. Gaius, I'll return later, but I think Emy should head to bed." And then, without looking at Merlin again, he walks out. Merlin's heart is racing, because he'd forgotten. They've found the body, they must have, mustn't they? That's why Arthur's upset. And Arthur is upset, really upset. Not 'I wanted to execute him and now I can't' upset, but honestly about to cry because someone I cared for is dead, upset. As soon as Arthur's footsteps have died away, Merlin turns to Gaius. 

"Gaius, did I tell you about the dead man?" asks Merlin, trembling a little as his hands clutch at Gaius'. 

"No, Merlin! What dead man?" says Gaius frowning, his voice serious. 

"When I was big, I dressed him like me so that Arfur would think I'm dead." says Merlin, his bottom lip wobbling.

"Merlin, where did you get a dead man?" There's an edge in Gaius' voice, but Merlin doesn't notice it.

"I dug him up. They'd just buried him, the sad lady and the two kiddies. They were crying."

"Merlin, that's a very serious thing to do! And with two weeks decay the body will probably be so decomposed..." he trails off, glancing down at Merlin.

"I need to tell Arfur, so he's not upset any more." whispers Merlin.

"Merlin, I would strongly advise against it. Arthur is incredibly upset. Whose to say how he'll react this time? Especially considering he thinks you're dead!" 

"But he's so sad! He misses me! And I miss him! I want to be me again, I want to be big!"

"I thought you were having fun!" says Gaius.

"I was, but Arfur's sad, and I can't leave him sad!"

"Merlin!" says Gaius' warningly.

"I can't stop you, but I am strongly suggesting you keep your peace. Arthur will come round."

"I don't want him to come round, I want him to know I'm me!" says Merlin pouting, before bursting into tears. Gaius sighs, and wraps Merlin in a hug.


	6. Chapter 6

It is the body. Merlin hears Arthur & Gaius discussing it from where he's supposed to be in bed. The body is greatly decayed, and the face a complete mess. Arthur had hoped that it wasn't Merlin, but the clothes are Merlin's and so is the knife. There's no doubt who it is. Arthur sounds broken, he even sobs a couple of times and Merlin has to will himself not to run down and reveal himself.

The next day or two is hard. Arthur is planning Merlin's funeral and doesn't visit, but when Merlin catches sight of him, he's serious and red-eyed. So, on the third day after the discovery of the body, Merlin heads up to Arthur's chambers to tell Arthur the truth, despite Gaius' concerns. He knocks cautiously on the door.

"Come." 

When he enters he sees Arthur sitting by the fire. He has one of Merlin's old neckerchiefs in his hand, and he's gaze is distant. But when he see's Merlin he forces a half smile and beckons him over. 

"Emy, are you okay? Is Gaius okay? I imagine he's quite upset at the moment." he says, kindly. 

Merlin nods, although that doesn't help, because it's a lie. Gaius isn't upset that Merlin's dead because Merlin isn't dead.

"Your Highn's, can I talk to you, please."

"Yes, of course!" says Arthur, although he's clearly still trying to marshal his emotions. He motions for Merlin to sit on the small bench by the fire. For a moment Merlin sits there, thinking about what to say. He can't just come out with it, he isn't brave enough. 

"Is it true... the dead body they found... he was your friend?" Merlin kicks the floor nervously with the tips of his toes, not able to look up at Arthur. There's a long pause, and when Arthur replies his voice is tight.

"Yes... yes it was... a very good friend." 

"Do you miss him?" asks Merlin, heart thundering.

"... yes. Yes, I miss him all the time... I've missed him since the day he left and now he's not coming back." Merlin looks up in surprise at the outburst of emotion. Tears are flowing freely down Arthur's cheeks as he sobs into the neckerchief.

"I'm sorry, Emy, but please can you leave. You... you look so like him, but you're not and..."

"I am! I am him!" says Merlin jumping up and rushing over the Arthur, who pulls away from him.

"I know you're trying to help Emy..."

"No, I mean it Arfur! I am Merlin!"

"How could you be him, he's dead! I saw the body, Emy!" Merlin drops his eyes in shame.

"I dug up a dead body, and put it in my clothes." he admits, and now he says it to Arthur it sounds so much worse. 

"Oh, really" says Arthur, unconvinced.

"I hid it in a cottage in the woods... I made it stab it's own heart with my dagger... the one you gave me..." says Merlin, trying to remember the details he'd tried to forget since that day. 

There’s a heavy, pregnant pause. 

"How do you know all that?" demands Arthur, and there's an element of anger to his voice now, but as he stares at Merlin, Merlin’s too scared to reply. 

“You shouldn’t listen in to conversations that don’t concern you, Emy! I know you’re trying to help but…” The fierceness in Arthur’s voice trails off, and Arthur reaches across to rub Merlin’s arms as a kind of apology. But Merlin can’t bare it, needs Arthur to understand, so leans forward and pushes at Arthur’s chest. 

“It was me! I’m Merlin, you clotpole!" He can feel Arthur’s whole body tense at the sound of that word.

"If... if you're Merlin, why are you a child?" Arthur's grip on Merlin's arm is like iron. Merlin feels a sob escape him, as he begins to think that maybe this was a really bad idea. 

"a'cos I fort you might... I fort you might like me again... fort I could start again..." Merlin knows it sounds weak, hopes Arthur can hear how afraid he sounds. 

"By LYING to me AGAIN!" spits Arthur and his eyes are wide with rage this time. 

"I wasn't gonna tell you, but you were so sad I was dead! Owww you're hurting me!" Merlin tries to pull away from Arthur, but his grasp just tightens. 

"I was sad you were DEAD ! But THAT was better than THIS!" yells Arthur into Merlin's face and Merlin can't help the way he's crying, no screaming for help now as he tries to pull away from Arthur's grip.

"I should have you burned! Your head cut off! Hung, drawn & quartered!" Merlin isn't saying anything now, just shrieking and pulling desperately away. Arthur doesn't look like Arthur any more. He's a monster, his face red and purple with rage and Merlin wants nothing more than to run and run. Arthur is standing up, still holding Merlin's wrist, but Merlin manages to twist free of him and bolts for the door. Arthur is close behind him, but Merlin glances back, and manages to slam the door shut with his magic. 

Merlin runs, see's the stairs to the abandoned tower. It's dangerous, the stairs are falling in, but it's a chance. So he creaks the door open and closes it behind him, then runs up the stairs. The gap isn't that far, so he throws himself across. It's further than it looks and higher, and Merlin ends up hanging by his arms from the bottom step. Crying he manages to swing his legs up, but as he runs up the next few steps they give way behind him. Looking down the gap is now a good three feet. He can't jump it. He'll break a leg at least, maybe more. 

He's been staring at the gap for a few minutes when he hears footsteps behind the door, which is now beneath him, begin to creak open. So he creeps up a few more steps until he knows that Arthur won't see him. Arthur steps in, glances around and walks out again. A few moments later, Merlin sits on the step just out of sight. He's stuck now. He's got nowhere to go, completely alone. Bottom lip wobbling, he starts to climb to the top of the tower.


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur is in a rage as he begins his hunt for Merlin. Within minutes of losing sight of him, he has guards searching every inch of the castle, whilst he himself charges from room to room, slamming doors and generally charging around. A thought emerges that he's asked the guards to hunt for 'Emy' and the he hasn't specified what the small child has supposed to have done to warrant this man hunt. But no one's questioning it, and he decides that revealing Emy's real identity can wait until he's found. But after ten minutes he decides that there is one place he should look, and one person he needs to speak to. 

"Where is he?" he demands as he throws the door to Gaius' chambers open.

"Where is who, sire?" asks Gaius, as calm as ever, although an eyebrow is raised. He steps away from the mortar and pestle he was working with to address Arthur face on.

"Do not play me for the fool! Where's Merlin?" yells Arthur, eyes flaring as he walks around, surveying the room for signs of Merlin. 

"Sire, I haven't seen Merlin since he left." says Gaius, seemingly unemotional, if a little confused. 

"Oh really! And I'm to believe that you were unaware that the small child who had taken up residence with you just happened to be Merlin in disguise and you hadn't noticed!" he almost shouts

"Sire, I ..." begins Gaius, closing his eyes. 

"Or indeed that he was in fact a sorcerer the Entire time that he was my servant!" actually shouting this time. Gaius opens his mouth to speak, but Arthur is not finished. 

"He told me! He told me everything! And then he ran like the coward he is!"

"Sire if I may..."

"You may not! You lied to me! So now you'll forgive me if I don't take your word on anything. So now I'm going to search your chambers!" Which Arthur proceeds to do, not taking much care as he does it. Several pots get broken, and Arthur does feel a little guilty, but Gaius deserves it for such treachery. In the end, though, Gaius isn't lying about this; Merlin isn't here. 

"You will inform me the minute that traitor reappears, have I made myself clear!" shouts Arthur into Gaius' face as he turns to leave. 

"Yes sire." says Gaius, looking resolutely at the floor.

\---

Arthur is sitting in his chambers hours later, still angry and upset. His bedpost bears the brunt of that. But right now he's sipping a goblet of wine by the fire, trying to calm himself. There's a quiet knock at the door.

"Come."

Gaius enters, hands clasped in front of him. He still looks downcast after their previous interaction, his head a little lowered, and he's not meeting Arthur's eyes. 

"Sire, apologies, but can you tell me, have you found Merlin yet?" 

"No, I have not." says Arthur sharply. 

"... beg your pardon, but are you still looking?" asks Gaius quietly

"Why? Would you rather I wasn't?" he says, standing up, suddenly suspicious. Maybe he should have Giaus' rooms searched again. 

"No, Sire. Quite the contrary, I'd like to know he's safe. He's only eight." 

"He’s not ‘just eight’, It's a spell." spits Arthur bitterly. Clearly Gaius takes him for a fool.

"Sire, the spell doesn't just affect how Merlin looks. The spell makes him think like a child. He could be in real danger, his judgement is badly compromised. And if you've fought he's probably incredibly emotional."

"Yes, because he was the one most hurt by that revelation!" says Arthur sarcastically.

"He's been very stupid, but he didn't mean to hurt you. Sire, Merlin's always wanted to be honest with you, but he was always waiting for the right time."

"He waited too long then, didn't he! And why now!" shouts Arthur jumping up.

"Because he's eight, and he saw his best friend cry, it's as simple as that. Like I said, Sire, his judgement is impaired." Arthur hates the way his heart lurches at that. Merlin doesn't deserve such sympathy. But the thought still takes the wind out of Arthur's anger, and he sits down again. 

"Do you think he's headed back to Ealdor?" he asks, mentally reminding himself that this is a hunt for a fugitive.

"I don't know. He looks like his younger self, so he'd be easily recognised in Ealdor. It would be very risky. But he's only eight so he isn’t thinking logically. It's a possibility." 

"I'll send a couple of riders out to check the road... We're assuming here that he is still a child." says Arthur darkly. 

"I'd say that is the most likely case."

"And why's that?" says Arthur, darkly, eyes focussing on Gaius.

"Simply because I don't think our frightened young Merlin will have thought to change back."

"Oh, really. And what would he be thinking?" asks Arthur.

"If I know young Merlin, I'd say two things." Says Gaius.

"Run & hide."

\---

When there has been no sign by the next evening Arthur's given up the pretence that he isn't even a little worried. He hasn't given into the worry completely. Gaius could be completely wrong, Merlin could be a full grown adult again, hiding somewhere laughing at Arthur's humiliation whilst he plots his next move. But the figure in his mind doesn't look like any Merlin he knows. And the image of a young, terrified Merlin trying to run from Arthur keeps springing back into his mind. 

Arthur has now also roped the Knights into assisting with the searches. Leon and Elyan are currently riding out along the road to Ealdor and Gwaine is joining him in another sweep of the castle. 

"And when did you last lose sight of him, Princess?" says Gwaine. There's an edge in his voice which suggests he at least suspects there's more to this than meets the eye. 

"When he slammed my door with magic." says Arthur obviously. They're standing on the corridor by Arthur's chambers because Gwaine has a 'plan'. 

"And how long did you take to open it."

"Only a couple of seconds."

"But he could have got down that corridor and round that corner?" asks Gwaine.

"I thought I followed him down it, but then he... disappeared." says Arthur. 

Gwaine heads off down the corridor, following it until it curves. A small wooden door on the bend is the entrance to the tower. Gwaine pushes the door open and steps inside.

"Gwaine, I've checked in there twice." says Arthur, annoyed.

"Up the tower?" asks Gwaine, eyebrow raised. 

"You can't get up the tower, look at the stairs! Even I couldn't jump that, let alone a eight year old!" he says

"That gap wasn't that big a week ago..." says Gwaine, looking at marks on the wall where Arthur can see now that the steps have scraped away recently. Arthur turns to look at him.

"Could be a coincidence, this tower's falling to pieces, but then again... hang on, why were you in here a week ago? This isn't on any patrol route. And it's meant to be locked!"

"That's not important now, Princess." concludes Gwaine. "The fact is, the stairs where there before, and now they're not. So someone's been up it!"

\----

Arthur first has the rubble removed. There's no body buried underneath. He doesn't realise how much he was dreading that until the workman hit the stone floor and the remains of Gwaine's secret wine barrel, which hasn't survived the collapse of the stairs. Apparently an abandoned tower is the perfect place for a romantic rendevouz. After that the masons insist on shoring up the lowest steps before they let Arthur up onto it. Even then they're not happy. Three steps up and it creaks and groans beneath him. 

"Careful, princess." says Gwaine. Arthur turns to glare, but Gwaine looks deadly serious as he himself glares at the offending step. So Arthur lets it pass, it's too much effort to get down and reprimand Gwaine, so he climbs stealthily up the tower.

As a child Arthur had occasionally been up here. It was rarely used even then. But as soon as he enters the room at the top he's confronted with a smell he wasn't expecting. It's vile, and acrid. It's piss. He looks around. The place seems the same as always. The same old chair with no seat in. The same lumpy, musty old blanket. Except that a small, pale hand peeps out from under it. In a moment unbidden images rise in Arthur's mind, mixtures of memories and fantasy. The corpse, how terrible it had looked. Face all swollen and contorted and rotten by laying face down. Yet even then there'd been signs. The hair was messily cut, the body was too short, the clothes too long... But he'd told himself it was hope. He wanted it to not be Merlin, so he was fooling himself. Besides why else would a corpse be dressed as Merlin, stabbed with his dagger? But it wasn't. 

And now Merlin's actual corpse might lie in front of him. It's freezing up here and it's been overnight. He's only small, so tiny. And just a day ago he was with Arthur, within his grasp. Alive, so alive. Bright eyes, bright smile, running around like a ray of sunshine. Even as a child, his presence had been comforting. The thought of Merlin being dead, actually dead, makes Arthur feel hollow. But he has to know, needs to know. 

He quietly walks over and gently lifts up the blanket. It's damp, and moving it wafts the rotten smell up into the air. There, underneath, Merlin is huddled up, still a child. Merlin's eyes are red and swollen and there's snot drying below his nose. As the cold air hits him he clenches in on himself, shivering. Arthur lets himself take a breath he didn't know he was holding, because Merlin is alive. But he chides himself for not wearing a cloak. It seemed so much more sensible at the time to only climb in trousers and a shirt. But that can't be helped now. Now what he needs is a warm bed and food and drink. Momentarily Arthur remembers that he should be angry, but when he glances at the tiny figure he's about to pick up, he can't maintain it. There will be time to be angry again, but not now. 

\--

As Arthur carries Merlin towards Gaius' room he feels Merlin's entirely relaxed body go rigid. He glances down. Merlin's eyes are shut, but firmly shut, too firmly shut. Scrunched in the corners, cheeks pushed up, forehead pushed down, so that Arthur can barely see his eyelashes. He's frowning, no anxious. his little fists are clenched white knuckled, and he's stiff as a plank. For a moment he's confused. Why is Merlin pretending to be asleep if he's not? But then his own words come back to him. He'd yelled, he'd been really angry. And more than that he'd threatened to cut his head off. Adult Merlin would have recognised Arthur's upset, maybe even yelled back. But this Merlin is just a child and wouldn't have understood that, would only have heart shouting and anger. No wonder he's scared. 

And now he's woken up to find himself being carried through the castle by Arthur. 

"Hey, hey shush. It's okay... We're going to Gaius'. Only going to Gaius'." he whispers towards Merlin. There's a slight intake of breath and something like a shiver runs through Merlin. But he doesn't open his eyes, doesn't relax. Arthur stops, and gently lowers Merlin to stand him on his own two feet. He does stand, hands awkwardly in front of him, eyes still firmly closed, and he definitely looks scared now, his breath coming out in short bursts. Arthur puts his hands on Merlin's shoulder and rubs them a little. 

"Merlin? Merlin, it's okay... I'm sorry for shouting at you. I'm not going to hurt you." Merlin stands there, still stiff, arms clasped in front of him. But his face contorts a little, and his bottom lip sticks out, as a big tear runs down his cheek. 

"Merlin?" Arthur lifts a hand up to rub his shoulder and Merlin flinches back, pressing himself against the wall opposite. His eyes are still scrunched closed, his little shoulders drawn together, and when Arthur moves a little closer, he turns onto his side as if defending himself. 

“Merlin? Merlin I’m going to pick you up, okay. I just, just need to get you to Gaius.”

When Arthur picks Merlin up, Merlin is still stiff, one little hand coming out to push against Arthur,then another. And as Arthur takes another step the crying starts. Low and quiet at first, but getting louder and higher and more panicked as Arthur walks, breaking into a jog to get Merlin to Giaus'. 

“Arthur? Oh, Merlin! Merlin!” says Gaius, rushing forwards, but Merlin doesn’t respond, still doesn’t open his tightly closed eyes, still screams in short, sharp screams, as he turns his body this way and that in an attempt to distance himself from Arthur. 

“Merlin?” say Gaius.

"Gaius, I..." starts Arthur, helplessly. 

"Put him down, Arthur!" snaps Gaius, and Arthur lowers Merlin, who practically jumps from his arms before running for the stairs to his room. He trips on a step midway, and automatically Arthur runs after him. But Merlin glances behind him, and their eyes meet. It's only for an instant because then Merlin is screaming again and getting up to run the rest of the way to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. After that there's rummaging; maybe Merlin is trying to move his bed, or maybe hide under it. 

Arthur hasn't moved from the spot. His face has fallen, his eyes still fixed to the spot where Merlin had fallen.

"Arthur?" says Gaius, walking over to him. 

"He's... he's scared of me. He's actually scared of me." says Arthur, more to himself than to Gaius. 

"I'd say terrified would be more accurate... Sire." says Gaius Arthur stares at the spot for a moment longer, before turning to look at Gaius, his face ashen. He nods towards Gaius, glances back to the stairs, and all but runs from the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Merlin crowds himself under the bed and against the back wall of his room when he hears footsteps on the stairs. But they’re slow and not heavy, and when he sees a pair of feet appear by the door they’re flanked by a red robe that nearly touches the floor. He hears the bed creak above him and for a moment he doesn't move. The person above him doesn't speak, but he can smell food, hot food. 

“Gaius?” he risks, very quietly. 

“It’s okay, Merlin, it’s just me.” says Gaius, calmly. After a moment Merlin climbs out from under the bed, standing in front of Gaius, lip wobbling. Gaius sits on the bed, placing the tray of food on the bed beside him, then opening his arms towards Merlin. Merlin runs and jumps into them, sobbing.

“Oh, Merlin, it’s okay, shh, it’s okay.” says Gaius hugging Merlin and stroking his hair. 

“Arfur’s gonna ezecute me!” whines Merlin. 

“No, no shhh, he’s not.”

“He is! He is! I know he is!”

“No. He’s not, I promise.” says Gaius calmly.

“He yelled at me! He was so angry!” Merlin dissolves into tears again. 

“He was upset.” says Gaius, still calmly. 

“He said he’d cut my head off!” 

“He what!" starts Gaius, eyebrows firmly raised. But then he takes a breath and rolls his eyes a little.

"... he didn’t mean it, I'm sure. I can get him here tomorrow to explain…”

“No! No!” screams Merlin, shaking his head forcefully. 

“Okay! Okay. Shhh, I won’t ask him. But he’ll probably want to come and see how you are.”

“I don’t want him to!” screams Merlin, his fingers clinging to Gaius’ robe. 

“Merlin, he’s the king!” says Gaius, but Merlin seems too scared, so he adds. 

“I could tell him you’re in bed resting, and not to be disturbed. How about that?” asks Gaius. Merlin looks at him, unconvinced, but he calms a little and nods. 

“Right, then have your hot milk and porridge, and get to bed.” says Gaius, hugging him close. 

\--

The next morning Arthur arrives late morning, after training. Gaius thinks he looks terrible, eyes swollen and heavy, and when Gaius asks him if he’s okay, he mentions a headache, but when he keeps glancing up at the stairs to Merlin’s room, Gaius speaks. 

“Merlin’s very tired after his ordeal. It’s probably best if he rests for a few days. No excitement.” Arthur looks at him at the sound of the last word. He clearly registers the implication. 

“Okay… I’ll… I’ll come back in a few days… will you keep me informed?” asks Arthur, quietly. 

“Oh course, sire.” says Gaius.

\--

“Can I see him today?” asks Arthur, tentatively a week later. 

“He’s still very shaken, sire.” says Gaius, glancing up towards Merlin's room. His door is slightly open, and as usual, Merlin is listening into their conversation, reassuring himself that he won't have to face Arthur. 

“Please, Gaius. This is unbearable. I need to speak to him, I need him to know… need him to understand…” begs Arthur

“Sire, he’s… he’s very scared.” Arthur turns away from Gaius, his face crumbling as he tries not to cry. 

“I can’t convince him that you don’t mean to harm him, Sire. Believe me, I’ve tried.” 

For a moment Arthur seems to stare at the door to Merlin's room too, his arms hanging awkwardly. 

“Please let me try.” says Arthur, and he can’t hide the cry in his voice. Gaius lowers his head, pausing. 

“Fine. But please, if he gets upset, please, leave him be.” says Gaius. 

\---

Arthur walks up to Merlin’s room slowly, but only half way up he hears Merlin scrabbling around. So he’s not shocked when he opens the door and the room seems empty. He leaves the door open, standing awkwardly for a moment, then decides to sit against the wall next it. 

“Merlin? Merlin, I know you’re here.” he says. He's greeted with silence. 

“Merlin, I came to say i’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, I promise. I would… would never, NEVER hurt you.”

He sits for a moment, listening to the silence of the room. He thinks he can hear Merlin’ breathing, but then again. it might have been his own stilted breathing. Which is becoming more and more unsteady, until he’s dragging in deep breaths between silent sobs. 

“Would you … cut my head off… if I was big again?” comes Merlin’s quiet voice, cutting the silence. Merlin hasn’t moved, his voice slightly muffled by the bed.

“I would never cut your head off! Ever!” says Arthur sitting forward.

“But… but I’m a sorcerer! N' I lied to you!” comes Merlin’s voice.

“I know” says Arthur quietly. 

“And sorcerers get ezecuted!” screams Merlin.

“No! No, not you!” says Arthur, forcefully. 

“Why not me?” ask Merlin. 

“Because you’re Merlin! I…I need you!” 

There’s silence, then there’s a rustling noise. Arthur watches as Merlin creeps out from under the bed, sitting down immediately next to it. He looks so much smaller than Arthur remembers. Skinny, red eyed. His eyes are so big in his head, his hands so tiny as they clasp around his knees. 

“What do you need me for?” asks Merlin, eyeing Arthur suspiciously.

“Because you’re my friend… my best friend!” 

“You said you should ezecute me!” says Merlin, tears running down his cheeks. 

“Oh, Merlin!” says Arthur, getting up, but Merlin darts back under the bed.

“Merlin, please!” says Arthur, pausing.

“Please, Merlin! Please! Please, I’m sorry!” But the room is silent again. After a few moments Arthur gets up and leaves.


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur goes back three more times, but Merlin doesn't come out again, and Arthur is left crying his apologies into the silence of Merlin's room. After that Arthur decides that nothing can be done. Merlin is too scared to even be in the same room as Arthur again, let alone for them to return to their previous closeness. It breaks Arthur's heart, but he has a kingdom to think of, and the tricky task of repealing a magic ban which might go down badly with a court where many members are still loyal to Uther's memory. So a month goes by where he hasn't even set foot in Gaius' chambers. Gaius has reported that Merlin has calmed, and is now confident enough to be running around with the local children. He tries not to think about how his absence has affected Merlin so positively, and heads to bed with a heavy heart. Maybe it's for the best. Merlin can grow up as Emy, no one need know he survived except Gaius. And once the law is repealed, Merlin can grow up safe. 

\--

That night Arthur wakes to being shaken. He’d taken hours to actually fall asleep, and now he’s being woken only a little while later, so he’s not in the best of moods. But the hands that shake him are tiny and the shaking isn’t very hard. After grumbling and flailing a little, he turns to see a tiny figure silhouetted in the darkness. 

“Merlin? Merlin, what is it?” Merlin has frozen, his little grip like iron on Arthur’s bed clothes. He doesn't reply, but Arthur can hear shaky breaths, can feel the way Merlin's tiny arms are shaking as he holds onto Arthur. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay! What is it?” asks Arthur. For a moment Merlin still doesn’t move. But then Arthur reaches out towards his silhouette, and gently brushes Merlin’s hair. Then Merlin’s flinching back violently, a tiny cry coming out of as he does. 

“Merlin, I'm not going to hurt you! What is it?” says Arthur, drawing himself back with a lot of effort. He sits there as calmly as he can, until Merlin's breaths seem to slow a little. 

“I… I had a nightmare… You were going to burn me! And I screamed and you didn’t listen… you didn’t care!” Arthur can hear the crack in Merlin's voice as he starts to cry, and instinctively reaches forward to stroke Merlin's cheek. 

“It was just a dream, Merlin. I’m not going to burn you!” he says quietly, so as not to spook Merlin. Merlin draws away from Arthur's touch, but not as violently as before. Taking a deep breath, Merlin continues. 

“I went to Gaius, I wanted to check, but he wouldn’t wake up!” says Merlin bursting into tears. Arthur reaches forwards to wrap him in a hug, but he doesn't hug Arthur back, just lets himself be felt as his sits rigidly. Arthur rubs Merlin's back, leaning his head against Merlin’s. 

“He’s just a heavy sleeper. Shh it’s okay.” as Merlin sobs a little.

“When he wouldn’t wake… I couldn't sleep! I needed to know what you were gonna do!” says Merlin, shaking. 

“Merlin, it was just a dream! I told you, keep telling you, I'm not going to hurt you!” says Arthur, concerned. 

“I couldn’t tell… which one was real! I needed to know!” Arthur stops just as he’s about to speak, and for a moment drops his head to Merlin’s tiny shoulder, trying not to cry himself. Then he sits up again, holding Merlin’s face in his hands, wiping Merlin’s tears with his thumbs, and he can feel Merlin tense at that, so he quickly pulls his hands away again. 

“You’re so brave, Merlin! You always were! Now will you be brave, just one more time and trust me? Please, just believe me when I say I am not going to hurt you!” Merlin looks at him for a moment, still uncertain, then nods his head a little.

“I’ll try.” he says quietly. Arthur can't resist quickly hugging him. 

“Arfur?” Merlin's voice is very tentative in the stillness of the night. 

“Yes, Merlin.” says Arthur, trying to see Merlin’s face in the faint moonlight. 

“Will you promise not to hurt me, when I’m big again?” asks Merlin.

“Of course!” says Arthur. Then Merlin is pulling back away from him, but he’s also grabbing at Arthur’s right arm, and Arthur’s confused until he feels Merlin’s little arm lie along his, his little fingers trying to wrap around Arthur’s forearm, and his other hand trying to wrap Arthur’s fingers around Merlin’s own arm. He wants Arthur to shake on it, to know he has Arthur’s word on it. For a moment Arthur wonders if it’s all a trick to lure him into accepting Merlin, but he remember’s Merlin’s face when he yelled at him, remembers the huddled figure in the tower. Merlin had no plan, has no plan. But he remembers that Arthur is a man of his word, and he’s trying to be big, trying to do what his older self would. So Arthur gently grips Merlin’s right arm just below the elbow and says firmly.

“You have my word, I will not harm you, even when you’re big.” He tries to look into the place where he can just about make out Merlin’s eyes twinkling in the moonlight. 

Then Merlin is flinging himself around Arthur’s neck, and Arthur is wrapping his arms around Merlin in return. For a few moments Merlin just clings onto him, quietly. But then Arthur can hear a little moan building, getting louder and louder until Merlin is sobbing, loudly and openly. He’s shaking too, and suddenly it’s Arthur whose scared. 

“‘m sorry, Arfur!” cries Merlin, wailing into Arthur’s shoulder. “‘m sorry!”

“Hey! No, no it’s okay!” says Arthur, worried at the outburst of emotion.

“I’m sorry bout the magic, an the body, an for making you cry!” 

“Merlin, shhh, please, it’s okay!” pleads Arthur.

“‘s not okay! I lied! I didn’t like it! I didn’t, I promise!” 

“Merlin, it’s okay, it’s over now! I know it all! And I’m not going to hurt you! I promised! I gave you my word!”

It takes a long time to finally calm Merlin down and, almost as soon as he does, Merlin falls asleep against Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur carries him carefully back up to his room in Gaius’ chambers, before heading back to his own bed, feeling calmer, but with a ringing headache.

\---

He wakes up to the curtains being thrown open enthusiastically.

“Morning! Rise and shine, you have training in half and hour, and a council meeting after that!” says Merlin, his voice far too upbeat. And adult.

“You’re back!” says Arthur sitting up, his head still muggy from the night before. 

“Yes, I did the spell this morning.”

“So you decided to just turn up, as normal, as if nothing’s happened?” demands Arthur, eyes narrowing. Merlin pauses where he’s bring out Arthur’s shirt. 

“Well yes, I mean no! I… I just…” he starts, frowning and blinking slightly. 

“Just assumed you could turn up, as if nothing had happened? Because this means that now I have to announce the revocation of the ban on magic as soon as possible because everyone knows you’re a sorcerer! So you’ve forced my hand!”

“No! No, I… you promised!... we shook on it!” moans Merlin, brow morphing from confused to worried. For a moment he still looks so like the child that Arthur had pitied, but he’s not that child any more. 

“I am the king! How and when I change a law is my decision, not yours!” Merlin stands there, face pale, still, except that his lip is quivering slightly. 

"And I suppose the fact that everyone thinks you're dead never entered your mind either?" demands Arthur, angrily. 

"... No...I..." says Merlin and he looks really worried now, and his eyes aren't meeting Arthur's again.

"No, of course you didn't, because you didn't think!" shouts Arthur. 

“I’m sorry, sire.” says Merlin finally, nodding his head slightly, before walking out, nearly walking into George as he does so, whose eyes blow wide in shock. 

“Sire? Was that?”

“Yes, it was.” says Arthur, rubbing his head, as it starts to throb. 

“But... but he's dead!" says George, eyes wide. Arthur buries his head in his hands. This is going to be a long day.


	10. Chapter 10

Arthur has a busy morning. George is loyal, but even he can't be expected to ignore the fact that a corpse is apparently walking around Camelot, fully reanimated. So Arthur unenthusiastically heads to the council chambers ahead of schedule to announce his plans to lift the ban on magic and that Merlin is returned to them, fit and well. His speech, given ad lib, is met with complete silence. Then when Arthur cautiously asks

"Any questions?" the council erupts in murmurs and chatter. 

"Sire, is this wise?" asks on man, stepping forward. 

"Lord Stan, I don't intend to do anything rash. For now anyone still in prison for magic will remain there. Their cases should be reviewed. Only for using that magic to commit another crime should be punished. We will probably need some magic specific laws, but we will need to discuss and debate these..."

"Sire, should we not have users of magic register, so that we know who they are? They will be living amongst us!" cuts in another Lord, eyes wide. 

For a moment Arthur thinks. He looks around, the faces of the council, most still from his father's reign, look frightened, panicked. Panicked people do stupid things. Stupid things like declaring kings insane or cutting their heads off. So, trying to look as calm and not insane as possible, Arthur steels himself. He knows he's been putting this off for a month already. 

"My Lords, this is not a matter for debate!" he almost shouts. If his father could implement this law through force of will surely Arthur can un-implement it. But then he calms himself. 

"But I would value you views on the correct implementation of such a policy. I would have you all go away and consider practical ways to lift this ban, whilst not provoking panic or opening us to any danger. I will hear any and all thoughts on this mater. And until any formal degree is issued, those caught using magic will still be arrested, but kept imprisoned. We will reconvene on this subject tomorrow morning." He looks carefully around the room. The council still seems jittery, some faces look out-right treacherous, but some seem placated. Glancing past them he can see Leon and Gwaine by the door. Leon's face is unreadable, but Gwaine is smiling. Arthur wonders if he's guessed about 'Emy'. 

"Right, until tomorrow, then. Lord Achard, I will also need those harvest reports, and Lord Nesdin, I'll need to see you about the judgement regarding your father's will this evening." With that Arthur walks as fast as he can without looking like he's running, up to his chambers to change for training.

\---

Later he’s walking back across the courtyard, trying and failing not to think of Merlin. And the law, and the council. But mainly Merlin. He knows he didn't react well to seeing Merlin himself again. And although he is angry, he can appreciate that Merlin might still be disorientated from spending time as a child. Thinking it over, it was Emy that chose to change back, not Merlin. As he thinks, his mind wanders back to the tower, and the little, huddled, frightened figure he'd seen there. And his eyes too, as he realises he can probably just about see it from here. And he can. And there, sitting on the edge of the broken wall, his feet hanging off, is Merlin. 

In that moment Arthur’s heart is pounding. He thanks his luck, the stars and any old gods he can remember that George was so irritating with his armour that he’s only wearing a chain mail shirt, and not his full plate armour. But even that is heavy to run in as he sprints across the courtyard and through the castle. It’s the stairs to the tower that are the real killer. He pounds up them, praying as he does that none of them decide to give way again, at least until he’s not standing on them. When he gets to the top, he has to lean against the wall for a good few seconds as he struggles to get enough air in. 

Merlin has stood up as Arthur burst in, but doesn’t say anything. He looks upset, but he hasn’t been crying. At least his eyes aren't red. It's more in the way his mouth turns down, the slight crinkle between his eyebrows. A slight slowness in his blink. It strikes Arthur that Merlin is just as upset as Emy, but better at hiding it. 

“What are you doing up here?” asks Arthur, still breathing heavily. 

“Don’t know. Seemed appropriate.” says Merlin shrugging. He’s not making eye contact. 

“Appropriate?” Arthur takes a couple of deep breaths.

“What do you mean appropriate?” 

“I just… wanted to be alone for a while. Sort my thoughts out. Run away for a bit.” says Merlin very calmly. But when he turns to look out of the window, Arthur thinks he can see a flash of fear, or maybe sadness. 

“Can you run somewhere with less steps next time?” says Arthur, without thinking, his breath still recovering. 

“Didn’t realise you'd come after me... Didn't think there'd be a next time.” says Merlin sadly. Arthur looks up at him, eyes wide. Pushing himself away from the wall he walks over to Merlin. He wants to go in for a hug, he really does, because Merlin looks so miserable. But instead he grabs Merlin’s right hand, and holds it, the way he had with Emy the night before. 

“I meant what I said, you have my word. I’m sorry I was angry this morning… I haven’t dealt with any of this very well. And I’ll probably be upset again, angry even. But you’re my closest friend, and I don’t want to lose you. It just… hurts...” Merlin has been staring down between them to where their hands are clasped, but now he looks up at Arthur, who can feel the tears welling in his own eyes. And for a moment he just looks at Arthur, but there’s a hint of a smile, even if it only reaches his eyes. 

“Thank you, Arthur.” he says, before pulling Arthur in for a hug. 

"Besides, I think I've just started a council revolt for you." He feels Merlin's shock beneath him, and Merlin pulls away to look him in the eye.

"You've... the ban?" asks Merlin. 

"I've just told the council, we're discussing revoking it tomorrow morning." Merlin's smile almost splits his face, and it makes Arthur's heart ache to think how long it's been since he's seen it. Then Merlin hugs him again. 

And a for a moment Arthur hugs him in return, before pulling back, trying to adopt an air of no emotion. 

“Right, now do you mind if we get out of this tower. After you came up here the first time I had the architects check it, and they said the stairs could go at any time. Besides, you’ve got chores to catch up on.”

“Yes, sire.” says Merlin rolling his eyes, but there’s a hint of a smile on his lips now.

\---

They're just a few feet from the bottom step, Merlin first, when there's a loud crash from above. It echoes through the stone, dust coming down through the cracks. Arthur looks up, then pushes Merlin forward. 

"It's the tower, it's coming down!"

They've nearly got the door, but they're not going to be quick enough and Arthur knows it. He pushes Merlin against the wall, pressing himself against Merlin so that he will take the brunt off the fall.


	11. Chapter 11

Arthur feels the stone hit, but not how he thought he would. More like a reverberation, a thudding in his ears. It's loud, sickening as it splinters, and after a moment Arthur looks up to Merlin. Merlin's looking up with wide eyes, glowing gold. His hands are raised as if to catch something, but they're empty. Arthur follows his gaze to where a great piece of stonework is falling for 3 floors up, and he knows logically it should land flat on them. But it doesn't, it strikes an invisible point above their heads, cracks in half, and slides down, like it's sliding down a small roof, then falls off either side, smacking the ground either side of them, grazing his leg. But Arthur keeps looking at the point transfixed, as the dust settles. No more blocks fall, but Arthur's heart thunders on. When he eventually looks down at Merlin, Merlin looks down to meet his gaze, and his expression morphs from steely concentration to shock, almost angry.

"You tried to save me!" he says,

"Yeah..." says Arthur, shocked himself.

"Guess I... That was really...." 

"You could have died!" says Merlin, exasperated. Arthur snaps.

"Me! What about you! You could have died too!"

Merlin looks like Arthur's grown a second head, then looks at the shattered stone by their feet. Arthur deflates a little.

"Ah... yeah... okay... just, be more careful, yeah."

"I will if you do!" says Merlin, smirking slightly. 

"Me?... Merlin, how many times have you..." Merlin looks down a little. Is he embarrassed? For saving Arthur.

"Don't know. So many... I've stopped counting." says Merlin quietly. Arthur stares at him. Then, without thinking, he wraps Merlin up in a tight hug.

"Thank you, Merlin." he says, or is it whispers, into Merlin's ear. For a long moment Arthur holds him, and Merlin tentatively, hugs him back. A piece of masonry beside them shifts loudly, and they jump apart. 

"Right, lets... lets get out before the rest comes down." says Arthur.

"Speaking of coming down, when's the council meeting?" asks Merlin as they start picking over the rubble towards the thankfully open door. 

"Tomorrow morning." says Arthur.

"Ah," says Merlin

"Ah?" replies Arthur.

"You're giving them a lot of time... to 'think'." says Merlin.

"Too long?" says Arthur as he steps through the door. 

"You might want to call an emergency meeting." says Merlin, looking serious.

"Right. Well, we better get to work then!" says Arthur.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I'd finished, but my honourary editor pointed out that I'd left a lot unsaid, so I've extended it.

Merlin and Arthur are down in the cool damp of the vaults below the castle. Next to them a small sarcophagus, which lies along a wall is currently being levered open. Behind them, in the centre of the room, lays the body of King Uther Pendragon, and Merlin finds himself shifting from foot to foot.

"I can't believe that you buried me down here." he says

"Shut up." says Arthur sharply.

"I mean, what would your father think. A sorcerer lying just a few feet away..." continues Merlin trying to cover his upset with jokes. 

"I said shut up, Merlin!" says Arthur again. Merlin turns to look at him. His face is steely. His eyes flashing angrily.

"I can't... I can't believe what I did to him." mutters Merlin, soberly this time. It's been a month since the ban on magic was lifted. It took some fighting, and Arthur was glad to have Merlin with him then. But he's know for a while that this body needs dealing with. He needs returning to his family. They need an explanation and compensation. And Merlin knows it too, but he's almost shaking at the thought of seeing the corpse again. But then they're carefully lowering the stone lid to the floor, and Merlin knows he'll see it in a second. He turns to Arthur. 

"I can't do this, Arthur. How do I face them? How do I..? Arthur?" he says trailing off. Because Arthur's face, as they lift the corpse from the coffin, is dreadful. Twitching just slightly, in all the little ways that Merlin knows means he's struggling to keep himself together.

"Arthur?" says Merlin, gently touching his shoulder. Arthur shrugs him off and marches away until he's around a corner. The mask drops, but only a little. He's breathing deeply now, mouth wide, and he's resolutely looking away from Merlin, whose followed him and now stands in front of him. 

"Arthur?" repeats Merlin.

"Go!" says Arthur, but there's a crack in his voice that Merlin couldn't walk away from even if he wanted. And for a moment he's confused. Because it's a dead body, but it's not him. It's some random poor man, who Merlin will have the heavy task of returning to his family. But then the mask breaks completely, and tears are pouring down Arthur's face, although he still won't look at Merlin. And he's making strangled little crying noises, and now Merlin really is panicking. 

"Arthur, it's not me in there! I'm here, I'm ok!" he says, pushing forward to wrap Arthur in a hug. At first Arthur pushes him away at the shoulders, but when Merlin tries again, wrapping his arms around Arthur's neck, and leaning his cheek against Arthur's, Arthur gives in, and wraps his arms around Merlin in return. For a while he just cries into Merlin's shoulder, but then he starts talking, face still buried in the fabric of Merlin's shirt. 

"I thought it was you! I saw that body when they brought it back, all laid out in your clothes and... and... half rotten and you were dead! And ..." he trails off again, and suddenly Merlin realises he hadn't even seen half of Arthur's upset.

"I came down here, every night I thought it was you. Even slept a night on the floor by it. Kept thinking about that bloody knife! Why!" he says, suddenly pulling away. And now he looks dreadful. Puffy red eyes, going bloodshot round the whites. Tears and snot smeared all over his face. 

"Why did you stab it! Why did you use that knife?"

"I... I didn't... Just grabbed the nearest weapon... " garbles Merlin, before realising what Arthur means. His knife, the knife Arthur gave Merlin. Arthur had thought Merlin had killed himself with the knife he'd given him. And through the heart too.

"Arthur, I didn't... I just wanted it to look like... like there was a reason he was dead. I didn't think... Except I kept thinking about you. And how... how much you hated me." says Merlin, and now he can feel the well of his own tears building. 

"You really thought I'd kill you?" asks Arthur, staring at him wide-eyed.

"I don't know. I don't think I was thinking at all. I'm sorry, Arthur. I'm so sorry!" he says, wrapping his arms around Arthur again, who doesn't push away at all this time, his arms coming up to hold Merlin around the waist. 

"I thought I made you do it!" whines Arthur into his ear.

"I thought I drove you to it! I wanted you back an hour after I exiled you! I had knights hunting all over for you within the day! I had plans! I had ways we'd work around it! But then you weren't anywhere. And then..." And then he'd found the tableaux that Merlin had set for him to find. 

"Arthur, I'm so sorry!" whispers Merlin, his own tears soaking through Arthur's cloak. And Merlin's not sure why he's surprised. He knows that Arthur is a good king. He's been merciful so many times, and yet somehow Merlin had never felt that mercy extended to him. And he realises how grievous that mistake almost was. He's always assumed Arthur has only a reluctant affection for him. But here's Arthur, falling apart in his arms because he thought Merlin was dead, a month ago. Even a month later Arthur's cries sound raw. But then Arthur hasn't Merlin see any of his upset over this, not since he was Emy. And even that was limited to what was acceptable to show a child.

"Arthur. Arthur, I'm sorry... I was so afraid of losing you I... that I wouldn't let myself trust you. I know you better than that! I do! I just... I was a coward" says Merlin, feeling very small.

Arthur's sobs are the only reply. But he doesn't let go of Merlin for a long time.

\---

It's a few days later, and Merlin is back in the village. This time with Arthur, and a couple of knights, and the coffin that contains the poor man that Merlin dug up.

"If you'd like me to come in with you..." starts Arthur.

"No." says Merlin, firmly

"I did this, not you. Besides, if you're there she might not feel like she can slap me." says Merlin, trying for humour, but realising there's actually quite a high risk of that.

With that, Merlin is climbing down from his horse and walking awkwardly into the village itself. Arthur nods, and the Knights set about digging the grave that Merlin had dug up over a month ago. As they're digging he hears a scream, a woman's scream. And he's tempted to go running to Merlin's aid, but Merlin's right. She has a right to be upset, and the king of Camelot intruding would interfere with that. Besides, Merlin has magic, he can handle himself.

It's a long time before Merlin reappears, face downcast, hands fisting and un-fisting by his sides. He walks up to his horse, and for a moment leans against it, trying to regain his composure.

"Are you okay?" asks Arthur, trying to sound unconcerned. But Merlin knows better now.

"I'm better than she is, but she's being very practical about it." He says leaning his head on his hand.

"Practical?"

"Well, she cried an awful lot, and called me a wicked man, and... and yes, she did slap me. But when I told her two knights were reburying him, and that he'd spent most of the time buried next to King Uther Pendragon. And then I'd given her the some money as compensation, she's decided that although I did something terribly wicked, I must be a good man at heart, because I've probably just given her enough to feed her and most of the village through the winter. And two more after that."

"Well, that's good." says Arthur, smiling a little

"It's very good, but I feel like an absolute fraud. I've treated her terribly and now she thinks I'm some kind of hero." says Merlin, finally putting a foot into the stirrup and pulling himself onto the horse.

"Yes, but you have helped her. Where did you get the money by the way?" asks Arthur, his fingers fidgeting on a small bag tied to his waist that he'd been planning on giving to Merlin to pay compensation.

"I... I sold your knife." says Merlin, not looking at Arthur. For a moment Arthur wants to argue. He'd given Merlin the knife as a birthday gift. But the memory of it buried to the hilt in the young man's chest has Arthur wincing even as he thinks about it. Even as he knows it's not Merlin, and that the man was already dead. Besides Merlin doesn't exactly need a knife for protection, and it would have got a good price.

"I think that was a good idea." says Arthur quietly.

"I stabbed her husband through the heart with it. I could barely look at it again. At least this way I never get to see it." says Merlin sadly.

"And you get to know his children are fed and clothed. That's something to remember." says Arthur seriously. Merlin thinks for a moment, then nods, urging his horse to walk on. But Arthur grabs his arm, and he stills his horse again.

"Merlin, I know what happened... I know what you did was... was bad. But you're still a good man. I know you are." says Arthur emphatically. Merlin smiles a little, grabbing Arthur's arm in return.

"I know you are too, Arthur."


End file.
